The first thing Penny said this morning was, "Me so dissited for my doctor po'ment!" I took this excited lady to the University Developmental Assessment Clinic at the U this morning. It was really emotional and exhausting. After about an hour of me describing Penny's behaviors, the doctor told me that her clinical diagnosis is autism. But she hadn't spent any time with Penny to that point. She did a little exam and chatted with Penny a bit. After that, she expressed some doubt and said she was only about 80% sure of her diagnosis. She had me schedule appointments for an evaluation with an occupational therapist, and one with a psychologist. She also ordered blood work to have some genetic testing done. Chris and Penny and I ditched the rest of our engagements that day and just cuddled and spent time together. We talked with the older kids about it when they got home, but they don't have much of a frame of reference so it kinda went in one ear and out the other. I'm eager to get more answers as we have the other evaluations. I won't lie, things have been extremely difficult with Penelope lately. For one thing, she has yet to ever EVER sleep through the night. That has been tolerable up to this point - she used to at least go to bed peacefully and stay asleep for like half the night before she showed up in our room. Nowadays, bedtime is nothing short of upsetting every single night. She is angry and sad and does not want to go to bed. Chris and I take turns managing it, and the two of us come away feeling upset and frustrated every single night. Then, we get 2 maybe 3 hours of quiet time before she shows back up. I bought some melatonin, kind of against my better judgment, and we gave her 2 last night. She went to sleep for maybe an hour. Needless to say it makes it very difficult for us to enjoy our alone time each night, which we know can and will have difficult effects if we let it. That's my first frustration with Penny these days. Beyond that, she has totally digressed with potty training. There's not even a flicker of desire anymore. And, she is constantly making messes around the house - messes that smaller children get into, not kids her age. I have cleaned up countless emptied toothpaste tubes, whole rolls of unrolled toilet paper in the toilet, cups of water or juice or whatever poured out into other containers and spilled all over. These types of things are happening all day everyday, even after talking so many times with Penny about it, even after punishing, even after positively reinforcing when she doesn't do those things. Nothing has worked. The truth is I am quite beside myself right now. I certainly have a lot on my plate, but she is one of my top priorities everyday and we have got to figure out how to get through this together. I'm quite at a loss. I am hoping and praying for answers, resources, whatever, as we get more information from her coming evaluations. I do adore my girl.